Posts Tagged ‘problems’

boxes

June 24, 2010

The boxes proved larger than I initially thought. And with good reason, I have always made my life public and with that, people talk, comment and yes, box. (Adj.)
The reason why it’s ok for me to live like an open book is because I have been through a whole lot of fugly and if other people can learn from my mistakes and hasten their own personal improvements based on my experiences, then I would be happy. Because I would have been able to help them. No, I don’t seek accolades, I seek to inspire. More and more people are growing sad because of convoluted feelings of self-worth. You are not worthless and you will never be.

I would have wanted someone to say this to me last week but since nobody did, I had to say it to myself. Pathetic? Probably, but I am very comfortable with myself because I have learned the hard way that I shouldn’t seek for too much affirmation and approval, from anyone. If it comes, I say thank you. If it doesn’t, well, life goes on.
And that’s precisely what I would have wanted last week, for people to move on in my life, or better, move on with their lives and leave me be. You see, what happened was, one of my old professors was making a big deal about my grades back in college and how this would affect my performance in graduate school. I was shocked, hurt, harassed and furious. I’ve always been put in boxes because of this waterloo. Strangers, not even in my circles, get updated of this waterloo because I guess it’s so fun to talk about. I even received confirmation that a whole department is talking about me semester in and semester out, making it a point to update their students of who I was. Jeez. I just hope they’re using a flattering picture in their power point. LOL. Alf is fun to talk about. Boxes beget boxes.

After four days of being all hot and bothered, I gave it up and reflected on the experience.

Boxes, preconceived notions, impressions and judgments’ derail people from seeing the true value of one another. Our judgments’ of others block our view and promotes division and rejection. When we begin to see the value of each others worth, focusing on what they CAN do and not what they CAN’T DO, we also open ourselves to the possibility that this person that we are so quick to judge may help us in some way. In the case of this old professor, I still can’t understand what drove her to say the things she did, or what it was that she hoped to achieve. But what I do understand is there are times that I too am very guilty of boxing other people in. To address this, I have a conscious system of dealing with people so I can free myself from the devastating effects of judging them. I call it my plus-minus system.

It works this way. One of the things I try to practice is to keep my mouth shut whenever I am on the verge of saying something awful. Remember the old adage? ‘If you have nothing good to say, don’t say anything at all?’ Believe me that is very hard. I am in the business of people relations and marketing so conversations account for a lot of my waking hours. And there would always be people who are more opinionated than I am. And there would always be people who are just plain disagreeable.

Minus points are awarded to people who are disagreeable. These are the types who make it a point to argue even over the most senseless topics. Do I hate them? No. Are they reaping negative points? Yes. To free myself from negativities (I try to be as positive as I can), I shy away from these types of people. I don’t want to judge them so ill just lessen my interaction with them. One of the hardest things to do is to affirm a negative person but if you are able to do it, you would see changes in them. It’s better to give out affirmation than to demand it.

Minus points are also given to people who don’t see my worth. While I don’t claim to know everything and while I know I am poor at some things, I also know that I am good at some things. We all are uniquely gifted! And while I don’t wear a placard saying I’m good at these things, people who know me, know. So it’s very puzzling to me when someone approaches me for help but doesn’t listen to what I have to say. It’s like being in a monologue. Their monologue. Where information is unidirectional. Do I put them in boxes? No. I think they have not realized my worth yet. And if they hadn’t well, that’s not my problem.

Plus points on the other hand are easily given out. These I give to people who make me laugh, smile and feel good about myself. A huge bag of points is given to people who make OTHER people happy because of a good deed, a kind remark or even a silly joke. I radiate towards positive, happy, fun-loving people who can catch my attention. I’ve talked a lot about this already, I get bored easily and it’s difficult to catch my attention BUT if it’s something I’m really interested in or something YOU made me interested in, well, that’s more PLUS POINTS for you.

Pluses and Minuses free me from tagging people permanently as lost cases. This I do because there are a lot of people who, through our long and bumpy relationship as friends, chose to never give up on me. I owe these people a lot. It’s just paying it forward. My plus and minus system keeps it real, it’s like saying: I don’t really like you now but its okay. I’m sure we will be able to regain what was lost in the future. Furthermore, I also believe that every one of us has this sort of system in us, a system of social interaction constructs based on differing human relations. It’s just that I put a brand name to it. Yes, you may refer to it as ‘Alfred’s Plus and Minus System’ LOL

I have written a lot about expectations and how we should lessen or increase it based on the level of relationships that we have. The problem is there are no hard and fast rules that govern expectations in all forms and types of relationships. It’s up to the involved parties to figure it out for themselves. Believe you me, I would want to give you a quick guide on this but it won’t be accurate. Relationships are uniquely designed to the people involved.

Remember the idiom, ‘Jack of all trades master of none?’ I believe that. I believe that no one is self-sustaining and I believe that no one is that good to know all facets of a business or all there is to know about life in all its glory. It just doesn’t work that way. True, they can profess to know but do they really? Hmm. I guess this is my cue to shy away and keep my mouth shut. =)

There are some things that I can’t do and there are some things that I’m good at. Having a healthy respect for each other’s unique genius opens doors to deeper, more meaningful relationships. I’ll end this reflection with a story I read from the online Didache sent to me earlier today by Bo Sanchez’s web team:

unique genius

“What, then, will this child be?” – Luke 1: 66

A teacher once told Michael’s mother that he’d never be able to focus on anything in his life because of his difficulty in focusing on the lessons in the classroom.

As a boy, he was diagnosed with ADHD. He’d often stand up and can’t stay quiet. It was very hard for him to concentrate. At the 2008 Beijing Olympics, Michael Fred Phelps won eight gold medals in various swimming events — the most gold reaped by anyone in a single Olympics. That’s aside from the various awards and records he still holds.
Often, we hold biases and beliefs about how a child would grow up based on what they are now and what they do.
We tend to box a child (or other people for that matter) with what we see or of our impression of what they do. We relegate them to the sidelines. The cruelest thing we do is give up on them.
God made us great with our own unique genius. We should treat others and ourselves as such. Jun Asis (mabuting.balita@gmail.com

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LIFETREKKER: Beating The Odds:Another stone for the edifice?

June 21, 2010

I don’t know if I got the title right but what I know for sure is that Ma & I had to suppress a laugh at this unbelievable attempt of ‘pagbubuhat ng bangko,’

I am talking about PGMA’s latest book out, a 380++ page treatise of her ‘many’ accomplishments,all told in excruciating detail.On the set of Anthony Taberna’s Punto per Punto segment at ABSCBN’s UKG is one of the book editors & on the phone was opposition congressman Teddy Casino(?)

This coffeetable book would undoubtedly discuss the accomplishments she’s made in the past 9years;new infrastructures or improvements therein:the SLEX,NLEX,airports etc & the faster processing of pertinent documents:drivers licenses,passports,birth certificates & the automated elections.Im sure you’ve seen the commercials,which has aired amok, sa totoo lang.=p

I think it’s just sad that Arroyo had to spend some more of her ill-gotten wealth just to try & convince the general populace of her good deeds in trying to cover up her misdeeds,which would be The Understatement of the century. Hello,Garci? Hello,ZTE-NBN? Hello,Political Killings? For those in Manila,I’m sure you’ve seen multiple footbridges holding up the very sorry-looking tarps: ‘Salamat Pangulong Arroyo para sa footbridge na ito’ Whatda?! Hahaha.I laugh.I mock.

Dear Arroyo,

Legacies & memoirs should be written for you not by your band of merry thieves,er,men,but by Historians long after you’ve gone.Why do this now?What are you up to?

According to the editor who sat down with Taberna,they only have 500copies of this ‘limited edition’ release.500 people out of the 7107 island inhabitants MAY get a chance to read this mockery.I hope to be one of them.Hey,I got loads of time,and I could use a good laugh.Sa Totoo lang.

LOL

name dropping

February 22, 2010

Hear ye, hear ye: let it be known that I now ACTIVELY have a thing AGAINST name droppers.

Just so we are on the same page, I googled the term and Wikipedia defines it for us:

Name dropping is the practice of mentioning important people or institutions within a conversation,[1] story,[2] song, online identity,[3] or other communication. The term often connotes an attempt to impress others; it is usually regarded negatively,[1] and under certain circumstances may constitute a breach of professional ethics.[4] When used as part of a logical argument it can be an example of the appeal to authority fallacy.[5]

Name dropping is used to position oneself within a social hierarchy. It is often used to create a sense of superiority by raising one’s status. By implying (or directly asserting) a connection to people of high status, the name-dropper hopes to raise his or her own social status to a level closer to that of those whose names he or she has dropped, and thus elevate himself or herself above, or into, present company.

Pasted from <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Name-dropping>

Disclaimer: I don’t fancy myself as someone high and mighty, like the most of you lot; I eat messily, burp, fart and give the occasional half truth. I, however, possess a certain set of social skills that I am also known for. And one that is enjoyed by my close friends and peers. As luck would have it, it seems that someone is enjoying it all too well.

To render the proper emotion: NAG NA-NAME DROP ANG PUTA.

I’ve been hearing disturbing reports about this certain individual who has been making a name for himself because of his fiery tongue and issues with authority. I couldn’t say that I am a complete stranger to this occurrence seeing that I too have had the unfortunate incident of experiencing this first hand. It’s affecting his social relationships, work and studies and I heard he has had different people talking to him about it. He is a pariah

That’s okay. I mean if he wants to be known like this superficial, dragon tongued social climber, then its fine by me. I tried straightening him up before but to no avail, it’s his business. I reckon I made a name for myself; he’s making a name for himself. Up two days ago, I don’t share the general sentiment about him (superficial, dragon tongued, social climber) but he calls people names and unfortunately he is getting his share of name calling.

I stumbled upon the problem when 2 unrelated individuals casually mentioned some things that happened to me a long time ago.  These are stuff that I shared with this problematic individual at a time of sheer joy. Yeah it was personal. And no, it’s not something you mention to a huge group of people that you are not close to. Yeah I was naïve, what the hell, how was I to know that he’s going to turn into something awful?

Ayun pala. This guy is getting away with a lot of things because he drops my name every time he gets. He shares nuances and other personal stuff giving the impression that I consult with him things great and small. And because his well placed references on my person hits home to the arguments of those above him, they consider, reconsider and give another chance, over and over again.

PUTANGINA.

You can drop my name anytime to my network and friends and groupies but make certain that I am endorsing you. You are doing a fine job of making a fool of yourself because of your PUTANGINANG work ethic and then you have the nerve to impress upon people that I approve of you and that I approve of your work?! WHAT THE FUCK?!

I am giving you a heads up to change your ways but as soon as I get the opportune time, I AM GOING TO DROP YOU and IT IS GOING TO HURT.

I have been quoted and misquoted all my life but I take it all in stride. This, experience, however, takes the cake.

the trouble with emo

October 22, 2009

written Aug 13 10:58am

‘listenin to emo, does not make you emo. Learn to comprehend people, learn to comprehend.(zadl suministrado)

One of my friends in facebook posted this moments ago and despite of my oh-so-busy schedule watchin ‘happy feet’ it got me thinkin: What is up with ’emo’ anyway? What is up with dressing in black and walking in the rain looking all morose and sullen with your skull candy (or fake ones) beating ’emo’ tunes in your waterlogged brain?!

WTF?!

And somebody explain to me when it became allowable for high school and college guys to wear black make up all in the guise of bein ‘EMO’ Again, WTF?!

I am left to assume that ’emo’ is a perverted, truncated, molested version of the word ’emotional’ wherein teens of preposterous testosterone levels are following a senseless fad or genre with blind obedience.

WTF IS EMO ANYWAY? Is it then a license for people to walk around in the rain? Sige punyeta ka magkasakit ka.

Is it a license for friends and colleagues to answer you with a blank stare or a withered look when you ask them: ‘kamusta ka?’

PUNYETA KA, sumagot ka, UMAYOS ka, kinakausap ka nang maayos

Is it a license to go out into the rain with your 2thou ++ peso SkullCandy that your parents bought you? O siguro peke yan at binili mo lang sa CDR King kaya okay lang mabasa at mag short circuit sa ulo mong kulang na nang turnilyo kaka-emo mo!!

Susmaryosep naman kasi.

KUNG WALA NAMANG DAHILAN PARA MAGING malungkot ka E WHY THE FUCK DO YOU ACT THAT WAY?! Kasi uso?! Wahahahaha Punyeta!!

Yours is a screwed up generation if the only thing you do is follow this movement/genre or whatever.

Please.

Do everyone a favor and educate these wayward misfits struggling to fit in. Show them a more worthwhile advocacy. Like ‘involvement in the electoral process’ or ‘goin for a green environ’

Hindi yang punyetang emo na yan na ang ginagawa lang ay gawing suicidal ang mga batang umpakadami namang reason na magpakasaya.

And don’t get me started on ’emoPunkz’ With that blood curling spelling replacing ‘s’s with a ‘Z’

Study. Graduate. Make something for yourself. And stop with this emo-crap. Please.

Blog Entry Oiling the lamps with Wisdom in anticipation of Parousia

July 31, 2009

Because my direction in yesterdays LWG is to ‘multiply’ here it is!

(hahaha, im kidding of course. This was my reflection last November 5 2005 at the Youth Ministry worship then led by Marimaj Espinas

breaks in the paragraph (and thought) means I went extempo on some anecdotes which, by now, is lost to me. I hope you will be able to pick up something useful despite the long read.

FIRST READING Wisdom of Solomon 6: 12 -16

RESPONSORIAL PSALM Psalm 63: 2-8

SECOND READING 1ST Thessalonians 4: 13-18

GOSPEL Matthew 25: 1-13

Personification. A figure of speech. Truly Communication Arts and English came a long, long way. Even before the term ‘personification’ came into being, those that wrote the first reading had it in good. They know their stuff, they know their syntax.

By using the figure of speech, the author gave us a richer picture of what Wisdom is and how we should seek her. By having an allusion of an actual human being, it is easier for the readers to appreciate its value or her value. For tangible things are always easier to comprehend. Rather than having a loose notion of a concept, it was enriched for us, for our understanding.

But what is wisdom?

The reading says that if you look for her, you will find peace of mind, she is kind and she will be with you in every thought because she will be looking for those who are worthy of her.

The next verse answers it for us: Wisdom begins when you sincerely want to learn. To desire wisdom is to love her, to love her is to keep her laws; to keep her laws is to be certain of immorality. Immorality will bring you closer to God.

The world is full of ‘experts’ there are people everywhere who want to convince you of the wisdom of their opinion. Yet God says it is not the one who declares his viewpoint most loudly or vociferously who is the wisest, but the one who is vindicated over time.

When you seek to obey what God has asked you to do, you will sometimes meet resistance and criticism from others who disagree with the wisdom of your actions. Your immediate response maybe the urge to vindicate yourself, however, if you wait patiently, time will reveal the wisdom of your actions far better than you could through argument.

Through the ages, the wisdom found in God’s word has been tested and proven true. It is critical that you measure everything you hear against the scriptures, trends in Psychology and Philosophy come and go, but the word of the Lord is timeless.

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Have you ever been thirsty? Like really, really, REALLY THIRSTY?

Remember how great it felt that after a long wait, you are finally able to drink. COLD, REFRESHING water that quenches your thirst? Or, right now, we have a ‘better’ substitute after sweating out, it’s GATORADE with all the vitamins and minerals and electrolytes.

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The psalmist uses suggestive images to express his desire of communion with God; he wants to embrace God, to be in the shadow of His wings, to lean on his right hand. This desire is a basic spiritual feeling.

Another thing that the psalmist uses is a lot of imagery ‘my soul thirsts like the earth, parched, lifeless and without water’ ‘riches of a banquet shall my soul be satisfied’

This spectacular Psalm has many spiritual applications.

How pathetic it is for us if we stop searching, always going further, and looking for more! It has been said: True love is limitless and that is precisely why it leaves us unsatisfied. Only He who is the fountain of living water and not ‘broken cisterns’ (Jeremiah 2:13) can satisfy men’s fundamental thirst.

St Augustine expressed it in his famous phrase: ‘You have made us for yourself; O Lord and our hearts will not rest until they rest in you.’

We are certainly blessed if at certain times in our lives, in meditating God’s Word, like in praying or worshipping, in generously responding to divine calls, in loving our neighbor unselfishly, we experience God through the feelings that show God for who he is: peace, joy, security and inner conviction, fullness…And we are even more blessed if, because of our serenity and hope in the midst of the difficulties and trials of life, we give to others the love and desire of God.

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Paul’s formation of a Christian community in Thessalonica on his second missionary journey (Acts 17, 1-9) produced a considerable disturbance in the Jews residing there. To prevent further disorder, he and his companion, Silas, agreed to leave the city (Acts 17, 10). However he revisited the community on his third journey (acts 20 1f)

Indications from 1st Thessalonians itself and Acts permit the almost certain conclusion that the epistle was written only a short time after Paul’s departure from Thessalonica. (1 Thessalonians 2, 17) in that interval, he had been in Athens (3, 1; Acts 17, 16) and from there had sent Timothy to the Thessalonians (3, 2). He now writes to them from Corinth (1, 7 Acts 18: 1-18

Paul writes after receiving Timothy’s report on the Thessalonian community

The Thessalonian community is made up of Christians who are all recent converts with little experience. For years, they had accepted the fate of men who are born to die. Now on the contrary, they awaken each day with the assurance of overcoming death: Christ will come soon and take them to the heavenly kingdom.

/

But they are grieved over their dead relatives whom Christ will not be able to save. This is the way they thought because people steeped in Greek culture had difficulties believing in a resurrection of the dead.

/

Those who are already asleep Those who have died are not dead, but they are asleep, waiting for the time of the resurrection, the time of rising as new persons transformed by Christ: we will all be transformed. The word ‘cemetery’ comes from a word meaning ‘sleeping place’

We will be brought along with them in the clouds. Paul presupposes that he and his readers will still be alive when Christ come and describes the event in thought patterns of his days: they thought that God was above.

We will be with the Lord forever. Paul goes to the heart of the matter: we will share Christ’s destiny. We will enjoy intimacy with God because the whole person will have been purified and transformed by the power emerging from the risen Christ.

Comfort one another. The way to celebrate funerals in the Church must comfort the dead person’s relatives and strengthen their faith in the resurrection. There is no room for expressions of despair and sadness which Jesus himself scorned (see Mark 5:40); these are peculiar for the people who consider separation to be final.

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The parable is addressed to the members of the Church

The Kingdom of God is compared to a wedding, in which some young girls are chosen to be part of the entourage: Like them, we have also been selected by God to prepare for the wedding of the Lord Jesus with humanity.

The girls were ready for the wedding, but Jesus delays and time passes by. The sleep which takes possession of the girls is not the result of negligence on their part but it simply means that the time when they could have entered without problems was over. We, likewise, when we began our journey in faith, could not foresee that we would meet trials.

The careless ones did not take extra oil. They did not think of building up their lives, or surrendering themselves; nor did they make the commitments that would allow them to endure. The oil for the flame is lacking; so also is the giving of oneself and of everything one has; Faith hope and love are like the fire that fades away when there is nothing left to burn.

I do not know you. Neither a baptism nor periods of fervent devotion are of value to us, if afterwards we are content with a life of routine religious practices.

/

The Lord demands faithfulness and perseverance of those he has chosen; this is how we save a world which seeks everywhere for truth, and does not know to which Lord to surrender.

We must realize now that someday it will cost us everything to remain faithful to our commitment. We don’t realize that as time goes by; our attitudes and obedience to the faith will change.

When we know God’s will, when we have our orders and we don’t do it, that’s bad, THAT’S A SIN! (James 4:17)

We can make excuses for our lack of obedience: ‘I’m not just read yet or ‘I’ll do it later’ or ‘I don’t think it will make any difference’ or ‘I can’t afford to.’

We rationalize, we procrastinate, yet in God’s eyes, rationalization and procrastination are nothing more than disobedience. At times we deceive ourselves into thinking that good intentions equal obedient actions. THEY DO NOT. A good intention without any corresponding activity is disobedience. When we encounter God and he gives us a direction, it is not enough to write down the date on our spiritual journal, or even to tell our friends and church of our ‘decision.’ God’s call is not to ‘make a decision’ but to obey! Deciding to obey is not equal to obeying! (Matthew 21:28-31) Loudly affirming the necessity of obedience is not the same as obeying (Luke 6:46) making commitments, even publicly, is not the same as obeying our Lord. Substituting our own good works is not the same as obeying.

God expects you to obey EVERYTHING exactly as he tells you. Only obedience satisfies God’s desire for, well, obedience.

Lord,

In my weakness you are my strength, I acknowledge my weakness, be with me, and meet me in my weakness, so that I may not fail

Oh that you would bless me indeed and enlarge my territory, that your hand would be with me, and that you would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain.

Not my will but yours be done, not myself but you be glorified.

person (re)building

July 31, 2009

(i posted this on my multiply account last december 8,2008, exactly 2months before i got hit by a car. i am specifically disturbed by this line: ‘i am on the verge of something very real and life altering’


how far have you gone?
hi. im alfred and i am on the verge of something very real and life altering, one that certainly speaks my kind of language.one that i always profess wanting. thunder and lightning.

i woke up really late today. because of the eye opening discussions and experiences. here was or is a person, younger than me who certainly has it made (according to me and my circles)
his own house. his own car. a wife and a cute kid. and business savvy to boot.

i’ve been talking by and large to a lot <select?!> people about life mapping and business and marketing and product distribution and target marketing and people management and idea engineering but right now, THEY DONT MEAN SHIT.

i am waiting for tangible products, of the promise of these ‘goodwill and feelings’

am i in for a huge dissapointment? i certainly hope not.
God,are you listening?

where have i gone really?
how far and how have i really lived?

so i realized that i would really want to be a backpacker and a globe trekker. How, no, what preparations am i taking to ensure this? is my life a series of calculated moves or happy go lucky hits and missess? Am i all that i profess and cut out to be?

how is it, that i find myself enamored with ‘mould building?’ to whom do i bequeath this challenge to?how far and how long do i have to wait for my IT to come?

is that even the plan?

i hafta know. i would like to put an end to the days that i answer ‘i dont know’ because i am 28 and and i have to know. because 35 is coming as sure as tomorrow is coming.

7 years to go mayt.

how do you go about living it?
for someone who professes ‘cest la vie’
how far have you really gone?
how far have i really gone?

how much have i exerted and invested in my person building?
how much of a person, am i, really?

please dont answer me.and please dont ask irrelevant questions.
you have your own issues, deal with them on your own.
if you follow other people, thats your thing. i dont want any part of it.

this is my person
this is me

LifeTrekker

July 31, 2009

hey what’s up?

i’m alfred and i am a Life trekker!
=)

Why LifeTrekker?

it is my contribution to make the world a better place by effecting ripples of change in this small corner of the world.

For the uninitiated, i write a lot and my thoughts are scattered all over the place, in several accounts of friendster, multiply and facebook, my moleskine, scraps of paper and now here at wordpress.

i post blogs sporadically, and faithful readers are given a good dose of ‘alfredisms’ attempts on life coaching and insights on person building and marketing.

LifeTrekker also answers the authors incessant need to write and be heard. with all the noise and busyness of our lives, i’d like to invite you to take time to read, reflect and even respond to ‘think about it’ questions.

Everyone needs to pause every once in a while. Pay it forward and pass the link on to your friends.

I also have a mobile version of this LifeTrekker series, short and sweet crammed into about 10sms messages. Leave me yer number if you want to subscribe. This service is free of charge and is initially available to globe subscribers only.

So, who am i?

i am known to be an extremely self-aware person, about 95 % sanguine and 5% melancholic, with a dash of inuit. LOL

i drive a scooter around my small town and im normally seen walkin around takin pictures of sunsets or clouds or waters on flowers and leaves. i hang out a lot and enjoy long profound conversations.

i am into person building. and one by one i want to make those who meet me feel good about themselves and about life.

because it is a great life.

believe me, i know. because i have been through A LOT.

and i’m still smilin.
and i’m happy.
and contented.

life is good my dear reader. it is! believe you, me.

cheers!