Posts Tagged ‘good life’

boxes

June 24, 2010

The boxes proved larger than I initially thought. And with good reason, I have always made my life public and with that, people talk, comment and yes, box. (Adj.)
The reason why it’s ok for me to live like an open book is because I have been through a whole lot of fugly and if other people can learn from my mistakes and hasten their own personal improvements based on my experiences, then I would be happy. Because I would have been able to help them. No, I don’t seek accolades, I seek to inspire. More and more people are growing sad because of convoluted feelings of self-worth. You are not worthless and you will never be.

I would have wanted someone to say this to me last week but since nobody did, I had to say it to myself. Pathetic? Probably, but I am very comfortable with myself because I have learned the hard way that I shouldn’t seek for too much affirmation and approval, from anyone. If it comes, I say thank you. If it doesn’t, well, life goes on.
And that’s precisely what I would have wanted last week, for people to move on in my life, or better, move on with their lives and leave me be. You see, what happened was, one of my old professors was making a big deal about my grades back in college and how this would affect my performance in graduate school. I was shocked, hurt, harassed and furious. I’ve always been put in boxes because of this waterloo. Strangers, not even in my circles, get updated of this waterloo because I guess it’s so fun to talk about. I even received confirmation that a whole department is talking about me semester in and semester out, making it a point to update their students of who I was. Jeez. I just hope they’re using a flattering picture in their power point. LOL. Alf is fun to talk about. Boxes beget boxes.

After four days of being all hot and bothered, I gave it up and reflected on the experience.

Boxes, preconceived notions, impressions and judgments’ derail people from seeing the true value of one another. Our judgments’ of others block our view and promotes division and rejection. When we begin to see the value of each others worth, focusing on what they CAN do and not what they CAN’T DO, we also open ourselves to the possibility that this person that we are so quick to judge may help us in some way. In the case of this old professor, I still can’t understand what drove her to say the things she did, or what it was that she hoped to achieve. But what I do understand is there are times that I too am very guilty of boxing other people in. To address this, I have a conscious system of dealing with people so I can free myself from the devastating effects of judging them. I call it my plus-minus system.

It works this way. One of the things I try to practice is to keep my mouth shut whenever I am on the verge of saying something awful. Remember the old adage? ‘If you have nothing good to say, don’t say anything at all?’ Believe me that is very hard. I am in the business of people relations and marketing so conversations account for a lot of my waking hours. And there would always be people who are more opinionated than I am. And there would always be people who are just plain disagreeable.

Minus points are awarded to people who are disagreeable. These are the types who make it a point to argue even over the most senseless topics. Do I hate them? No. Are they reaping negative points? Yes. To free myself from negativities (I try to be as positive as I can), I shy away from these types of people. I don’t want to judge them so ill just lessen my interaction with them. One of the hardest things to do is to affirm a negative person but if you are able to do it, you would see changes in them. It’s better to give out affirmation than to demand it.

Minus points are also given to people who don’t see my worth. While I don’t claim to know everything and while I know I am poor at some things, I also know that I am good at some things. We all are uniquely gifted! And while I don’t wear a placard saying I’m good at these things, people who know me, know. So it’s very puzzling to me when someone approaches me for help but doesn’t listen to what I have to say. It’s like being in a monologue. Their monologue. Where information is unidirectional. Do I put them in boxes? No. I think they have not realized my worth yet. And if they hadn’t well, that’s not my problem.

Plus points on the other hand are easily given out. These I give to people who make me laugh, smile and feel good about myself. A huge bag of points is given to people who make OTHER people happy because of a good deed, a kind remark or even a silly joke. I radiate towards positive, happy, fun-loving people who can catch my attention. I’ve talked a lot about this already, I get bored easily and it’s difficult to catch my attention BUT if it’s something I’m really interested in or something YOU made me interested in, well, that’s more PLUS POINTS for you.

Pluses and Minuses free me from tagging people permanently as lost cases. This I do because there are a lot of people who, through our long and bumpy relationship as friends, chose to never give up on me. I owe these people a lot. It’s just paying it forward. My plus and minus system keeps it real, it’s like saying: I don’t really like you now but its okay. I’m sure we will be able to regain what was lost in the future. Furthermore, I also believe that every one of us has this sort of system in us, a system of social interaction constructs based on differing human relations. It’s just that I put a brand name to it. Yes, you may refer to it as ‘Alfred’s Plus and Minus System’ LOL

I have written a lot about expectations and how we should lessen or increase it based on the level of relationships that we have. The problem is there are no hard and fast rules that govern expectations in all forms and types of relationships. It’s up to the involved parties to figure it out for themselves. Believe you me, I would want to give you a quick guide on this but it won’t be accurate. Relationships are uniquely designed to the people involved.

Remember the idiom, ‘Jack of all trades master of none?’ I believe that. I believe that no one is self-sustaining and I believe that no one is that good to know all facets of a business or all there is to know about life in all its glory. It just doesn’t work that way. True, they can profess to know but do they really? Hmm. I guess this is my cue to shy away and keep my mouth shut. =)

There are some things that I can’t do and there are some things that I’m good at. Having a healthy respect for each other’s unique genius opens doors to deeper, more meaningful relationships. I’ll end this reflection with a story I read from the online Didache sent to me earlier today by Bo Sanchez’s web team:

unique genius

“What, then, will this child be?” – Luke 1: 66

A teacher once told Michael’s mother that he’d never be able to focus on anything in his life because of his difficulty in focusing on the lessons in the classroom.

As a boy, he was diagnosed with ADHD. He’d often stand up and can’t stay quiet. It was very hard for him to concentrate. At the 2008 Beijing Olympics, Michael Fred Phelps won eight gold medals in various swimming events — the most gold reaped by anyone in a single Olympics. That’s aside from the various awards and records he still holds.
Often, we hold biases and beliefs about how a child would grow up based on what they are now and what they do.
We tend to box a child (or other people for that matter) with what we see or of our impression of what they do. We relegate them to the sidelines. The cruelest thing we do is give up on them.
God made us great with our own unique genius. We should treat others and ourselves as such. Jun Asis (mabuting.balita@gmail.com

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the capacity to remake yourself

February 23, 2010

Like any individual who had had a life altering event, I found myself adrift- with all the responsibilities and expectations required of a yuppie but none of the security. When I had a job, I built a certain kind of life and it became my identity. When I lost that job or the career that I thought I was building, I lost that identity and for more than a year, I was dealing with it in the best possible way I knew how, writing- and telling you about it. And that’s scary for the most part because my work-er career defined who I was, and without it, who exactly am I again? It’s like the death of the self. And so I had to go down on my barest self and tried rebuilding and making do with what’s left lest I go out and make the same mistakes again.

It was a hard year, I’m sure you knew especially if you were subscribed to my Life Trekker blog. And I am not all that proud of everything I have said and done at that time. I made really crazy decisions, like whimsically going on that PEFAJ interview out of boredom. I got in, I did well (aced the class actually) and earned lots. But the work doesn’t agree with me. Hell, no one around me agrees with this poor call, to punish the pun. But I’ve no regrets because the two months I spent with them were a cornucopia of rich experiences. I met a wide range of people that I would never have met had I stayed inside my cozy little bubble. It was like taking a vacation from who I really was.

I am now marketing environmental services. Like any other momentous moment of my life, I outline the good things that make it right for me at this time. This responsibility that I have right now is right for me because 1. I get to write, which I have been told I am good at. 2 I get to sell ideas and services and make relevant people sit up and listen, which actually is marketing, if you simplify it. 3. I am saving the earth, which I feel strongly about because duh, it IS where we live and it’s not as if we could get a new one.

Reinventing yourself and appreciating what you have come easy when people around continue being supportive no matter what.  I am at an age when what detractors say no longer matter. But I am kind of affected when people close to me tell me that I am not the right fit for this.

At least three people have told me explicitly that

  1. I am pretending I know what I am doing and I am pretending to like it. They are not so sure.
  2. I am not the right fit for the job because he is smarter than me. (He probably is smarter, it’s okay.)
  3. I am better off working as a call center agent because it fits me more.

Ouch. As much as I tried, I couldn’t come up with any explanation as to why these individuals have the audacity to say these things up front. The optimist in me pleads that they ‘mean well.’ The pessimist in me shrugs it off and says: ‘they are probably insecure’ while the bigger part of me just let it slide because I am more interested in having a Grreat life than being morose and sulky. You’ve read this before in my articles:  My default setting is ‘Happy.’

Once you find your passion, jobs and work no longer define you. You define them; you make it work regardless of what others say.

I wish that you will find your passion the soonest possible time.

free hugs

August 3, 2009

i got free hugs yesterday and inspite of all my apprehensions and fears, it felt great!

i felt GREAT!!

CHEERS to the Singles Ministry!  yeah!

(to fully appreciate, what i am talking about, check out this site: http://freehugscampaign.org/

thanks mulan for replicating this in our ministry. May God bless you more!

waiting in line for food

July 31, 2009

one of my brods commented this one time that we shouldnt wait in line for our food. he said ‘it’s just wrong’

i forgot the reason, cause and discussion that ensued after that but i was reminded of it minutes ago while i was still standing in a long queu for my burger.

yes, this is my second post about McDonalds and their burger but unlike the previous post, i didnt really plan on partaking of their burger for lunchy today. i just wanted a quick fix, nothing fancy, something i could just grab and go so i would have time to log on to multiply today (i was really busy earlier and the GM’ers were really distracting)

so off  i went and decided on a fastfood chain, realizing that it would be too taxing to slurp on my favorite sinigang here in my affice workspace. Pizza Hut is full, so that’s out and besides that’s more of a sitdown place with friends. KFC Vito Cruz is packed so its out, but its really very nice with the chic interior decor and lighting. So Mcdonald’s was next.

sauntering over, 7 lines filled the store. 7 ridiculously long lines
and
inspite of myself, i plunged in, and hence
‘waiting in the line for food’

i decided on a chicken but after a second, realized theirs is too gummy, i’d prefer chicken joy, then i saw the cheesecake, which i figured, would be good, since its been a while, and i could use the sugar rush. but then i realized, i just downed a whole long pack of double stuffed oreos. sugar was not my priority.

4 people down the line, i decided on the burger which was, i thought, the obvious choice because i had wanted a grab and go meal. but then Little Miss Greeny on the counter seemed to be ordering for the whole store; it was taking her such a long time to get all her orders and my tiger looks aimed towards her didnt seem to matter. Ugh. So instead, i gazed upon the plethora of carbo-loaded, greased up, cholesterolliffic goodies. And realized again, that this diet is really adding to my bodily belt bag budget (and i have seen Supersize me!)

Thats when i saw the ‘must try/ new’ red lettered on yellow explosion logo beside ‘double cheeseburger deluxe’ and i said to myself: after this long wait? I DESERVE A DOUBLE CHEESEBURGER DELUXE’

see? marketing people! its all about marketing! and me, knowing fully well of this ‘make people wait long lines, assailing their nostrils with every aroma we can bludgeon, making people hungry by visual stimulation, I KNOW THIS! PINAG ARALAN KO ITO SA mmgt102!! hrrr.
this
IS
NOT
RIGHT

‘May i have your order Sir?’

double cheeseburger deluxe to go please

large fries?

yes

large drink

NO. AHA!! i caught myself in time you-friggin-little-fattener-of-people-you!

would you like to upgrade it to a float sir?

(gulp)

Yes please

and one apple pie nadin

DANG!

where do you want to go today?

July 31, 2009

(written july 13 2008)

Acclaimed blogger vanooti asks blithely as readers come enthralled by her mind adventures

On this same vein, I started my Sunday me-time adventure. Cousins, after all, should have some sort of semblance, however indirect.

I parked my trusty scooter at my moms’ bff in umali, the donya Alicia manor replete with erstwhile guests, transients & boarders

And with ipod all charged and ready and with my decidedly sporty ichura, I walked with energy and full resolve to regain comfort in my personal space and depth of self. Thinking about it, I’m really comfortable bein with myself contrary to what people usually take me for. I realize this fully now. My identity is not dependent on other people, you know why?

Because I walk. Think about it.

So I Headed south towards ‘the Radiancy’ while the Hill songs guys were crooning ‘there is no one like you’

First thought was of the time when I dropped off joms at Nikki’s white house near the orange store. It was after mass, years ago

Turning left, I passed by Miggy’s house, where Kappa O’s once hung out, we shaved our heads & fought about a white towel

Crayon Box reminded me of the cerebral Pedro & his roomie that we hung out with IC’S Halloween Party 05

Farther down the road was Whitehouse where certain units reminded me of certain college nights with college friends with my college org. I’ll leave it at that. Insert College smile here

Aling Eves Isawan & Provenan reminded me of 5years ago when ARHGP hung out regularly here while downing greasy street food with all the trimmings and free cholesterol and cholera.

Right before the raymundo gate was where the original Bertie’s was and where distinct memories of blueberry cheesecake, pesto and oolong tea where being ordered left and right by the hungry staff of the Ruralite.

Turning left saw me looking at DAERS where I had my AEC1 class, my first 1.0 grade in UP with Ms. Filma Calalo, my no-nonsense teacher, whom my mom and I saw a months ago at Baan Thai

Walking, walking, I passed by CSI where my old afficemate slash businessman Jonas goes to worship.

Westbrook Residences, with the very snazzy ‘W’ logo done artfully in white, orange and black

I was carrying the notebook for kuyecarloe so I went straight ahead to their house where memories of loud people, a closely knit family and lots of food and parties converged.

Up their street, I imagined myself drivin down their in 1996 with Marvin Amante in the white pick up (AKA super pick up) setting up for YLSS 3 LB

Down the faculty road and onto the bridge I had flashes of monjay being mugged because of the wang-bu hat and marc maligalig’s practical jokes on me and Winston at the start of the bridge.

I stopped in the middle where I realized and felt the not so familiar acrophobia sneaked in but not before I was able to peer over the edge onto the different colored shirts being sunned on the rocks. But sunny it wasn’t hence there were no other walkers and strollers like me.

Moving on, I walked down the road towards auditorium where I saw myself, Teacher Ryan and Teacher Grace inserting flyers to the parked cars of the MS Montessori graduation. Targeted? Yes! Stylish? No. Seemed like a lifetime ago, but that was March of last year

I turned left again to the Thai Temple where years ago, Brian Kalaw and I spent 9 straight hours talking for our one on one in preparation for his YLSS

Women’s Dorm reminded me of Bloc5 meetings for our History presentation during a time where laptops where scarce and having them was a status symbol

YMCA reminded me of Dewi Callo, daughter of the owner of one of the computer shops there, outreach team head, a good friend, the football field saw me and kumareng jing and gabby and choichoi years ago playing ball with avs and manel and kim.

This further reminded me of one crazy aito night of running barefoot in the rain towards the fertility tree. The crazy cast included Marc, Kim, Manel, Avs, Winston, Oli, me and Pedro

Baker hall reminded me of Laktu- an event hosted by BFF’s org, VLV ang VKV. We were made to push a car from SU to baker. Carlo was driving while Hansel, Tatang, Rap, Mike and I were up against the Trantados.

We lost of course, but we didn’t have a chance, CARLO HAD THE HAND BRAKES UP. Yehey.

DMST reminded me of the evil officers of my high school days as the Battalion Private, where fear was accompanying me Saturday mornings. This was my first year as intercessory head. Morning PMT, afternoon Pray over. Fugly, fugly times

Animal Science Lecture Hall was screaming with excited freshmen 10 years ago, where our professor in Agri 11, Dr. Penalba was tryin hardest to maintain his composure.

Agronomy reminded me of Lady Guard, which I haven’t met during the times while we were still hanging out there. Most vivid memory was of Marc winning Mr. Clash with Riz.

The Lab beside CEAT reminded me of our overnight stays there while Ava and her female group mates finish their work, me and rap and wins were designated protectors of the ladies for that semester.

Social Garden saw me pensive because 25 years ago, I got lost in this place and I was crying and I don’t really remember it, just that I was held by the beautiful emcees and was made to stand on the table until my parents came looking in response to the commotion (and racket I was making) That was the garden show

The Fruit Crops area taught me how to do grafting and marcotting with much consternation because my teacher, Sir Sanchez, was looking over my shoulder the whole time

Walking down that line, you’d see great ornamentals and majestic looking palm trees right beside the generator plaza.

The hanging bridge now overgrown with weeds saw me taking pictures of its demise with Noel and Harry and Roy hours after Milenyo settled.

Gonzalez compound reminded me of stories of the very early days of the Labadan Clan because this was apparently where they first lived after moving here from Nueva Ecija.

And then I arrived home

To St. Therese of the Child Jesus parish where so much of my past, present and future are intertwined. Like, UPLB, STCJP saw my growth from the thin and pasty kid who started prep in its old chapel to the shy MSI boy to the religious ruralite to the gregarious college kid and now to the marketing man through and through.

I arrived in the arms of my new friends and old friends and lambs and colleagues and barkada’s and kappa o’s who just heard mass.

Two weeks ago, I was hangin out with the super friends at Café Antonio and being the usual friendly person that I was, I was greeting people left and right. My homie gorgeous guia, sly and sarcastic, acridly remarked, ‘Al, yer such an LB person, why don’t you run for public office? To which I candidly retorted, ‘I’ll take that as a compliment’

There really is no place like home.

meeting a style icon+entrepreneur

July 31, 2009
tell your readers that i told em not to wear winter boots here!

tell your readers that i told em not to wear winter boots here!

I am looking at a very frail lady who looks like a grade school student except that she’s wearing a very revealing spaghetti strapped blouse with a green skirt, which I came to know later, was today’s fashion must-have. I’ve known her for quite some time now because like me, she is also a small-town-person with dreams bigger than you and me. She is an alumnus of UPLB with a degree Major in Cell and Molecular Biology. It is hard to imagine someone with her firecracker personality peering through microscopes looking at God-knows-what. Apparently, she agrees with me. A year ago, she stopped pursuing her Master’s degree in Marine Science in UP Diliman and decided to put up shop and pursued her true passion: fashion. ‘I don’t think I can carry those huge scuba tanks anyway’ Mini Campos muses. Mini Campos is the CEO of ‘yourfashionpolice’ a company that sells trendy clothes for women. We agreed to meet today at Café Antonio to talk about her business, women empowerment and winter boots. Small Town Boy (STB): Why fashion police? Mini Campos (MC): The name was inspired by a segment in Fox TV’s entertainment news: E! The segment simply separates the ones who look ‘fine’ from the ones who ought to be ‘fined.’ It was my dream to be a correspondent in that segment. STB: I see, so have there been many warrant of arrests served in Los Banos? MC: Just don’t wear winter boots in LB. I keep on seeing some students wearing these. Ugh. STB: I suppose I should ask, what’s IN today? Or what’s HOT? MC: I am seeing a lot of High Waist Skirts, pompom skirts, pero namimili kasi yun ng figure. For me, it’s always safe to go for ‘Boho chic’ STB: wait, what’s ‘Boho chic?’ MC: Think Nicole Richie and the Olsen twins. That’s a classic that will never get boring. STB: okay. So what’s not HOT? MC: just get updates from the weatherman. If it’s going to be sunny, then don’t wear winter boots! LOL. I have an issue with winter boots but let’s not get to that now. STB: Okay.hahaha. So, do you have a particular sense of style? MC: I am particularly inclined to the Boho Chic look pero syempre I don’t do it all the time. I don’t know how my style evolves, depende sa inspiration. You wouldn’t believe it but when I was young, I really looked up to Jolina and the spice girls but I learned my lesson! Sometimes it’s better to look at the art rather than the icon behind the style. STB: I understand that you’re only carrying ladies clothes only? Is that accurate? MC: Honestly? I am not a fan of stylish men. Ugh. I learned my lesson na.hahaha. but again, let’s not talk about that now. I’d rather see men in jeans and shirts. STB: hahaha. Okay, but answer this: Do you consider yourself a style icon? MC: I am a work in progress (smiles) STB: Who’s your, how should I put it, style/model icon? MC: Imelda should be every Pinay’s style icon STB: Really? I heard from my clan that we’re related. My dad’s middle name is Marcos. Anyway, what fashion tip would you give our readers? MC: Don’t wear winter boots in LB! (laughs aloud) kidding! Before getting out of the house you should: 1. Check the weather 2. Think of the place/occasion you are headed to 3.look at the mirror again and see if you jive with the first 2 conditions. STB: Do you have any messages to people who want to be like you? MC: It’s always better to start when you are young. There are A LOT of opportunities around. Especially online. If you are still a student and you don’t have the cash for capital, there are a lot of sellers offering commission for reselling their goods. That’s a nice addition to your allowance and you get a head start with the early training. If you do have the savings to start a business, take a small portion of it and try your luck on something that you are really passionate about. If you are a ‘techie’, then focus on gadgets. Don’t venture on something that you are not willing to learn more about. And SAVE! For me, that The Most important thing you should be doing if you are an entrepreneur. It won’t matter how much you are making if your cash flow is negative. To date, yourfashionpolice has clients all over the Philippines and regularly ships merchandise in Singapore, Dubai, USA and Germany. Mini recalls that she started out small by selling retail but quickly realized that she’d be better off doing wholesale AND retail. Within only 3 months of starting her online business, she was able to achieve her ROI (return of investment) and gave the money that she loaned from her mom who teaches Economics in DLSU-Manila. She invites students, stay-at-home moms and career women (and men) who wants to earn extra by partnering with her as distributors. With good marketing schemes such as offering re-seller prices, a pre-order system, package tracking, easy and various paying schemes and modes, yourfashionpolice has achieved a lot in its 2nd year. Online shopping is now very convenient and it saves her shoppers a lot of trouble (parking, effort etc) although she warns her public to be very wary of scammers since she has been victimized before. Thankfully, her ‘comments’ box in her multiply site is filled with honest reactions affirming her trade. Mini regularly hangs out at the local bar, IC’s, travels a lot in and out of the country for inspiration and trends. You can view, purchase or partner with her by checking out http://www.yourfashionpolice.multiply.com