jeje hood

March 26, 2010

I abhor Jeje’s, in general. And since I searched far and wide and realized there’s no actual data available to properly categorize Jeje’s , lets go ahead and do this together, shall we? Call me snobby and snooty. I know I am not. I just say things that people around me are thinking but are not able to express. So I am doing all of you a favor by coming up with this ultimate guide to JejeHood. Katuwaan lang.
Are you ready?

I should say that I don’t normally regard these individuals with any sort of time and attention. It just so happened that a few nights ago, there seems to a Jeje Convention and a plethora of these troglodytes crawled out of their holes, dressed themselves Jejily and settled in what I would now refer to as Jeje Avenue. Sangkaterba Ampf. Like, nagkalat. Like, punong puno. Like, nag uumapaw.

Here’s what happened, my org and I just finished our culminating activity wherein we welcome new members to our humble little society. Traditionally, we would go to the only bar of choice when you are in LB. Yep. IC’S. its where all UPLB students converge. Everybody there knows everybody there. Generations upon generations of beer drinking, laid back, LB folk go there to get their weekly, sometimes daily dose of alcohol. E kaso puno. Normal day. We wont have enough seats and since there were twenty of us, we had to check out other places of interest. And so we went to a bigger place, which for propriety, we will just call Jeje Avenue, because honestly that’s what it looked like when we entered. The place was crawling with all sorts of jeje’s big and small.

But what exactly are jeje’s?
Well, if you must know, these are actually the jologs of the years past. From Riles dwellers to Balot Vendors to gulay sellers.
No, no, no I am not insulting the poor. I am poor! But I am not hikahos and I don’t have colored hair and I speak properly so I am not a jeje! But we will get to that later. Alarmingly though, there have been undocumented reports of rich jeje’s. That’s okay. Let’s call them, well, rich jeje’s.
We can now safely say that economic status does not define jejehood. I guess we would have an easier discussion if we just go ahead and describe these individuals.

The most popular and pervasive Jeje that we encounter are the dark skinned, blond haired, trucker cap wearing individuals with skinny jeans and marijuana hankies. Yes. Dark skin is usually a prerequisite. Putangina naman kasi. Bakit ka ba nagkukulay ng buhok?! Totoy, HINDI KA MAGMUMUKHANG AMERIKANO. Hindi KA MUKHANG SOSYAL. At dahil alam nating lahat na hindi ka cast ng Muro Ami, isa ka lamang BATANG MAITIM na NALIGO ng Hydrogen Peroxide. Hindi tama ang ginagawa mo sa buhay mo.

Fine, so wala kang pangkulay ng buhok. Congratulations ang sasabihin ko sayo at hindi sorry. Sorry kasi nabawasan ka ng isang level of jejehood. Pero ang caps? The trucker caps?? C’mon! WHAT IS UP with the caps na nakapatong sa ulo?! Yan ba e palatandaan na malaki na ulo mo (as in mayabang, proud to be jeje ka) or malaki na ulo as in nkagel ka o hairspray (80’s?!) O yan ba e luggage compartment? Lalagyan ng cellphone at wallet kc ang sisikip ng pants nyo di na kasya? May isa pa akong tanong, nka hairclip ba ung cap nyo sa ulo nyo? Paste? Kanin? Di natatanggal e, AMAZING.

By the way, kung rapper ka pala, im sorry, sige, mag suot ka na nag ganyan. In my book, there are only two ways to wear a baseball cap, straight up, with the beak front and center or pabaligtad, with the beak nasa likod ng ulo, perpendicular to the shoulders. Any other angle is wrong, unless you’re a rapper.

Marijuana Hankies. Meron ako nito. Lagi kasi ako may sipon. At since malaki ito keysa normal na panyo e masarap ito singahan pag walang tissue. Ang hindi ko maintindihan, BAKIT ginagawa mo itong SCARF?! Pashmina ba ang effect mo?? O kung wala naman sa malibag mong leeg e naka balot sa ulo mo. Cancer patient?? Tapos lalagyan mo ng Cap na nkatabingi?? PUTANGINA. 5O CENT? IzDACHU? Ay hindi pala, kakulay mo lang.

Nkkaeenit ng uloh puh noh? zummr p nmn. Haiizz—>> may nagtext.^*(^*^$(*&^)^$%&!!

!! Ngaar!!

Ibat iba ang suot ng jeje at dahil sumasakit ang mata ko pag nakakita ko ng mga ito, e hindi ko nalng iddiscuss. Masyado na siguro mahaba ito.

Btw, LOL is an acronym for laughing out loud. Ang acronym hindi ginagawang plural or kung pipilitin, sige LSOL dpat! Hindi LOLS at lalong lalo nang hindi LOLZ AT KUNG ISA KANG CERTIFIED KANG JEJE KANG HAYUP KA E ganto ang usage mo: LOLZ KA TALGA!! What the friggin F???!!

For proper jeje identification, here are links for your perusal http://fuckyeahajeje.tumblr.com/
And if you ever need translation kasi di mo na talaga maintindihan yang mga text nila, heto: http://kalokohan.guissmo.frih.net/jologs.php

halfway around the world e may jeje din, our spanish friends found themselves in the same dire straights. check this out: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=jeje

And since I realized na hindi pala ito ultimate guide e lets just make this some sort of a discussion, here are some questions for us to consider:

1. Sa tingin mo, bakit nagkalat ang mga Jeje ngayon?
2. May true to life Jeje encounter ka na ba? Ikaw ba ay isang Jeje survivor?
3. Eto dramatic: Bakit sila ganun?
4. May mensahe ka ba o suhestyon para sa kanila?


Presidentiables

March 26, 2010

I’m still torn between Dick Gordon and Noynoy Aquino. I’ve been reading, re reading and evaluating. Don’t ask me for my reasons yet. I haven’t had a chance to figure em all out.

Earlier, I saw and ad that made me stop and think of Gibo, for a moment.

At this point thought, I am certain of one thing: I am NOT going to vote for Manny Villar. Okay, so tga UP sya, so? Two thoughts that I would like to develop regarding this but have no time to, include 1. I am having trouble with the coined term: Upian, acronym na lalagyan ng english prefix? Mas UP at mas gusto ko ang taga-UP!! 2. I would really like to go on an all out discussion on all things marketing. What works, what doesn’t, etc etc. but I have no time for it. Just yet. One of these days, I will.

When the opportune time comes, I will publish the list of candidates which I will be voting for. If you are one of those people who are too busy to sort things out, lemme do you a favor, copy my sample ballot. You could now rest in the assurance that the votes that you will be casting will be well thought of, according to me. I’m such a friend, aren’t I?=)


Why we hate fat ugly lesbians

March 26, 2010

Fat lesbians are the worst. They think they got it all figured out. They insult, harass and make condescending remarks like its second nature. Come to think of it, all the people we know who fall in this category are not necessarily lesbians but are probably on their way to becoming one. They are fat, boyfriendless ugly ladies who spite and make innuendoes to cover up for their insecurities that are bigger than their measly little pathetic lives. To all the  loser Dykes, in behalf of all the beer drinking guys, here’s a food for thought (shove it up your fat assess) LEAVE the insulting to em hot chicks that are sexy and sophisticated. When we drink, we don’t talk about you, we don’t obsess about you or make lewd remarks about you  because honestly, THERE’S NO MATERIAL!! We are sorry that you don’t have  boyfriends. This is because of these walls that you are so desperately trying hard to put up. Repeat after me: You are not fooling anyone with your act! Don’t insult guys because we don’t like you. We are programmed to like sexy lesbians. Sexy Lesbians are HOT. THEY ARE. I could show you videos. You, however, are not! No, sorry.  It would take A LOT of beer and intoxication BEFORE we consider you in our, wait for it, wait for it, Liquid dreams.

Now if by some odd circumstance you found yourselves recipients of millions of dollars worth of plastic surgery Gift Certificates AND you get to get it on with someone as hot as, say, Sora Aoi, THEN fine, go ahead, insult our beer bellies because by then, you would have gotten our attention (I could elucidate how but this is my PG blog) BUT UNTIL THEN? Keep your ugly ass opinions to, well, your ugly assess.


say what you need to say

March 1, 2010

I’ve always been wordy. Yes, it’s a coined term. Deal with it.

I firmly believe that there are situations when there is a call for wordiness and that some concepts are better expressed through paragraphs. I am all for being concise but not at the expense of the message I am trying to deliver.

Speaking of messages being delivered, I want to deliver one, straight to the face of this weirdo. I want to pack a straight fist wallop on his ‘pretending to stare into space’ look.

You are not fooling anyone buddy. You are a friggin’ loser with no life. And you staring? It’s not working for me. I’m holding on to my temper because I happen to like what I am doing but if I catch you one more time staring I am going to introduce you to one hell of a knuckle sandwich. You got that? Stupid pretensive faggot.

Say what you need to say. Don’t. Fuckin. Stare.

Here I am. Wordy. Concise and freaked out.

DEAL with it


the capacity to remake yourself

February 23, 2010

Like any individual who had had a life altering event, I found myself adrift- with all the responsibilities and expectations required of a yuppie but none of the security. When I had a job, I built a certain kind of life and it became my identity. When I lost that job or the career that I thought I was building, I lost that identity and for more than a year, I was dealing with it in the best possible way I knew how, writing- and telling you about it. And that’s scary for the most part because my work-er career defined who I was, and without it, who exactly am I again? It’s like the death of the self. And so I had to go down on my barest self and tried rebuilding and making do with what’s left lest I go out and make the same mistakes again.

It was a hard year, I’m sure you knew especially if you were subscribed to my Life Trekker blog. And I am not all that proud of everything I have said and done at that time. I made really crazy decisions, like whimsically going on that PEFAJ interview out of boredom. I got in, I did well (aced the class actually) and earned lots. But the work doesn’t agree with me. Hell, no one around me agrees with this poor call, to punish the pun. But I’ve no regrets because the two months I spent with them were a cornucopia of rich experiences. I met a wide range of people that I would never have met had I stayed inside my cozy little bubble. It was like taking a vacation from who I really was.

I am now marketing environmental services. Like any other momentous moment of my life, I outline the good things that make it right for me at this time. This responsibility that I have right now is right for me because 1. I get to write, which I have been told I am good at. 2 I get to sell ideas and services and make relevant people sit up and listen, which actually is marketing, if you simplify it. 3. I am saving the earth, which I feel strongly about because duh, it IS where we live and it’s not as if we could get a new one.

Reinventing yourself and appreciating what you have come easy when people around continue being supportive no matter what.  I am at an age when what detractors say no longer matter. But I am kind of affected when people close to me tell me that I am not the right fit for this.

At least three people have told me explicitly that

  1. I am pretending I know what I am doing and I am pretending to like it. They are not so sure.
  2. I am not the right fit for the job because he is smarter than me. (He probably is smarter, it’s okay.)
  3. I am better off working as a call center agent because it fits me more.

Ouch. As much as I tried, I couldn’t come up with any explanation as to why these individuals have the audacity to say these things up front. The optimist in me pleads that they ‘mean well.’ The pessimist in me shrugs it off and says: ‘they are probably insecure’ while the bigger part of me just let it slide because I am more interested in having a Grreat life than being morose and sulky. You’ve read this before in my articles:  My default setting is ‘Happy.’

Once you find your passion, jobs and work no longer define you. You define them; you make it work regardless of what others say.

I wish that you will find your passion the soonest possible time.


name dropping

February 22, 2010

Hear ye, hear ye: let it be known that I now ACTIVELY have a thing AGAINST name droppers.

Just so we are on the same page, I googled the term and Wikipedia defines it for us:

Name dropping is the practice of mentioning important people or institutions within a conversation,[1] story,[2] song, online identity,[3] or other communication. The term often connotes an attempt to impress others; it is usually regarded negatively,[1] and under certain circumstances may constitute a breach of professional ethics.[4] When used as part of a logical argument it can be an example of the appeal to authority fallacy.[5]

Name dropping is used to position oneself within a social hierarchy. It is often used to create a sense of superiority by raising one’s status. By implying (or directly asserting) a connection to people of high status, the name-dropper hopes to raise his or her own social status to a level closer to that of those whose names he or she has dropped, and thus elevate himself or herself above, or into, present company.

Pasted from <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Name-dropping>

Disclaimer: I don’t fancy myself as someone high and mighty, like the most of you lot; I eat messily, burp, fart and give the occasional half truth. I, however, possess a certain set of social skills that I am also known for. And one that is enjoyed by my close friends and peers. As luck would have it, it seems that someone is enjoying it all too well.

To render the proper emotion: NAG NA-NAME DROP ANG PUTA.

I’ve been hearing disturbing reports about this certain individual who has been making a name for himself because of his fiery tongue and issues with authority. I couldn’t say that I am a complete stranger to this occurrence seeing that I too have had the unfortunate incident of experiencing this first hand. It’s affecting his social relationships, work and studies and I heard he has had different people talking to him about it. He is a pariah

That’s okay. I mean if he wants to be known like this superficial, dragon tongued social climber, then its fine by me. I tried straightening him up before but to no avail, it’s his business. I reckon I made a name for myself; he’s making a name for himself. Up two days ago, I don’t share the general sentiment about him (superficial, dragon tongued, social climber) but he calls people names and unfortunately he is getting his share of name calling.

I stumbled upon the problem when 2 unrelated individuals casually mentioned some things that happened to me a long time ago.  These are stuff that I shared with this problematic individual at a time of sheer joy. Yeah it was personal. And no, it’s not something you mention to a huge group of people that you are not close to. Yeah I was naïve, what the hell, how was I to know that he’s going to turn into something awful?

Ayun pala. This guy is getting away with a lot of things because he drops my name every time he gets. He shares nuances and other personal stuff giving the impression that I consult with him things great and small. And because his well placed references on my person hits home to the arguments of those above him, they consider, reconsider and give another chance, over and over again.

PUTANGINA.

You can drop my name anytime to my network and friends and groupies but make certain that I am endorsing you. You are doing a fine job of making a fool of yourself because of your PUTANGINANG work ethic and then you have the nerve to impress upon people that I approve of you and that I approve of your work?! WHAT THE FUCK?!

I am giving you a heads up to change your ways but as soon as I get the opportune time, I AM GOING TO DROP YOU and IT IS GOING TO HURT.

I have been quoted and misquoted all my life but I take it all in stride. This, experience, however, takes the cake.


my love-hate relationship

February 22, 2010

I have a love-hate relationship with my fats. Uhuh. You read it right, fats. Layers upon layers of my resplendently healthy fats lining my luurve handles. Chicks dig this. True Story. Hehehe.

Earlier, I was looking at my closet trying hardest what to wear,seeing that my options are somewhat limited.Given my most recent shopping trip, I am well stocked BUT the thing is, I was morosely looking at a pile of shirts that I have long given up on. I think it was 2005 when I was the thinnest. I was examining a shirt and laughed at the sheer mockery of its size. EXTRA SMALL?!? Looking at it now, I doubt if it’ll even fit my neck, which btw, has gained another extra layer of supple chin. My chin reserves the right to jiggle upon raucous laughter.

So, ten minutes to 8am, I was still debating on what to wear and just opted for my recently acquired extra, extra large shirt.EXTRA LARGE?!? jeez.

Two Saturdays ago,I saw one of my older friends at IC’s who playfully called me ‘Jojo!’ (For the uninitiated, Jojo is my older brother, who has the likings of Jabba the Hutt, hehehe, peace bro!) Who,me, Jojo?Jeez.

Last night, I was heaving as I made the rounds in UPLB with a drinking bud as he went on ranting about the sordid affairs of his life. We walked the ‘campus-walk’ route or something close to it because I was freaking heaving ten minutes into it. Jeez. This was, in no part, due to the greasy burger, fries and coke that I downed for dinner.

Fat is the new thin. I have had the chance to become really thin and I have had the chance to become really huge. But, unlike the rest of the populace, I don’t particularly have any deep emotional response to being thick or thin, I just roll with it. And so should you.

Well whaddaya know? It’s already 10am, snacks anyone? =)


October 22, 2009

written wed sep2 12:04am

Its bound to be an interesting next week ill bet because of the sudden stir up and goings on in the liberal party, partly because of mar roxas’s seemingly selfless pronouncement on ‘stepping aside’ for the greater good of the filipino people. I still haven’t forgiven him for that ridiculously-ridiculous, horribly-corny pedicab ad. While it is very obvious that this is yet another ‘well placed campaign for media mileage,’ I am not that hard pressed to judge this Big announcement.

Does Noynoy have what it takes?

let’s see


Completely defines you

October 22, 2009

WRITTEN Sat aug 22 1146am

This is a line from ‘Confessions of a shoppaholic.’ I am not a shoppaholic, mainly because I cant afford to be. Hahaha. I am able to relate though, to the film on a whole lot of different levels, that of: making your mark, dressing up and consequently stepping up, I am also no stranger to keepin up appearances as it seems that the clan is hardwired to achieving it at corporate parties aka family reunions. LOL

Nonetheless, it drives a very specific point and one that I would like to assimilate and learn personally. What am I made out of? What do I need t be doing now?

A lot of us profess that we do know what we want but these only go so far as the end of the season or a project.

What mattered A LOT yesterday, no longer matters now. What feels important last year, suddenly seems very trivial.

If and when the day finally comes that we really, really know what we want to do with our lives, we should also be ready that at any given time, that will change and we should have all the proper tools of discipline and commitment deeply ingrained in us. And that is one bitter pill to swallow.


the trouble with emo

October 22, 2009

written Aug 13 10:58am

‘listenin to emo, does not make you emo. Learn to comprehend people, learn to comprehend.(zadl suministrado)

One of my friends in facebook posted this moments ago and despite of my oh-so-busy schedule watchin ‘happy feet’ it got me thinkin: What is up with ’emo’ anyway? What is up with dressing in black and walking in the rain looking all morose and sullen with your skull candy (or fake ones) beating ’emo’ tunes in your waterlogged brain?!

WTF?!

And somebody explain to me when it became allowable for high school and college guys to wear black make up all in the guise of bein ‘EMO’ Again, WTF?!

I am left to assume that ’emo’ is a perverted, truncated, molested version of the word ’emotional’ wherein teens of preposterous testosterone levels are following a senseless fad or genre with blind obedience.

WTF IS EMO ANYWAY? Is it then a license for people to walk around in the rain? Sige punyeta ka magkasakit ka.

Is it a license for friends and colleagues to answer you with a blank stare or a withered look when you ask them: ‘kamusta ka?’

PUNYETA KA, sumagot ka, UMAYOS ka, kinakausap ka nang maayos

Is it a license to go out into the rain with your 2thou ++ peso SkullCandy that your parents bought you? O siguro peke yan at binili mo lang sa CDR King kaya okay lang mabasa at mag short circuit sa ulo mong kulang na nang turnilyo kaka-emo mo!!

Susmaryosep naman kasi.

KUNG WALA NAMANG DAHILAN PARA MAGING malungkot ka E WHY THE FUCK DO YOU ACT THAT WAY?! Kasi uso?! Wahahahaha Punyeta!!

Yours is a screwed up generation if the only thing you do is follow this movement/genre or whatever.

Please.

Do everyone a favor and educate these wayward misfits struggling to fit in. Show them a more worthwhile advocacy. Like ‘involvement in the electoral process’ or ‘goin for a green environ’

Hindi yang punyetang emo na yan na ang ginagawa lang ay gawing suicidal ang mga batang umpakadami namang reason na magpakasaya.

And don’t get me started on ’emoPunkz’ With that blood curling spelling replacing ‘s’s with a ‘Z’

Study. Graduate. Make something for yourself. And stop with this emo-crap. Please.