jeje hood

March 26, 2010

I abhor Jeje’s, in general. And since I searched far and wide and realized there’s no actual data available to properly categorize Jeje’s , lets go ahead and do this together, shall we? Call me snobby and snooty. I know I am not. I just say things that people around me are thinking but are not able to express. So I am doing all of you a favor by coming up with this ultimate guide to JejeHood. Katuwaan lang.
Are you ready?

I should say that I don’t normally regard these individuals with any sort of time and attention. It just so happened that a few nights ago, there seems to a Jeje Convention and a plethora of these troglodytes crawled out of their holes, dressed themselves Jejily and settled in what I would now refer to as Jeje Avenue. Sangkaterba Ampf. Like, nagkalat. Like, punong puno. Like, nag uumapaw.

Here’s what happened, my org and I just finished our culminating activity wherein we welcome new members to our humble little society. Traditionally, we would go to the only bar of choice when you are in LB. Yep. IC’S. its where all UPLB students converge. Everybody there knows everybody there. Generations upon generations of beer drinking, laid back, LB folk go there to get their weekly, sometimes daily dose of alcohol. E kaso puno. Normal day. We wont have enough seats and since there were twenty of us, we had to check out other places of interest. And so we went to a bigger place, which for propriety, we will just call Jeje Avenue, because honestly that’s what it looked like when we entered. The place was crawling with all sorts of jeje’s big and small.

But what exactly are jeje’s?
Well, if you must know, these are actually the jologs of the years past. From Riles dwellers to Balot Vendors to gulay sellers.
No, no, no I am not insulting the poor. I am poor! But I am not hikahos and I don’t have colored hair and I speak properly so I am not a jeje! But we will get to that later. Alarmingly though, there have been undocumented reports of rich jeje’s. That’s okay. Let’s call them, well, rich jeje’s.
We can now safely say that economic status does not define jejehood. I guess we would have an easier discussion if we just go ahead and describe these individuals.

The most popular and pervasive Jeje that we encounter are the dark skinned, blond haired, trucker cap wearing individuals with skinny jeans and marijuana hankies. Yes. Dark skin is usually a prerequisite. Putangina naman kasi. Bakit ka ba nagkukulay ng buhok?! Totoy, HINDI KA MAGMUMUKHANG AMERIKANO. Hindi KA MUKHANG SOSYAL. At dahil alam nating lahat na hindi ka cast ng Muro Ami, isa ka lamang BATANG MAITIM na NALIGO ng Hydrogen Peroxide. Hindi tama ang ginagawa mo sa buhay mo.

Fine, so wala kang pangkulay ng buhok. Congratulations ang sasabihin ko sayo at hindi sorry. Sorry kasi nabawasan ka ng isang level of jejehood. Pero ang caps? The trucker caps?? C’mon! WHAT IS UP with the caps na nakapatong sa ulo?! Yan ba e palatandaan na malaki na ulo mo (as in mayabang, proud to be jeje ka) or malaki na ulo as in nkagel ka o hairspray (80’s?!) O yan ba e luggage compartment? Lalagyan ng cellphone at wallet kc ang sisikip ng pants nyo di na kasya? May isa pa akong tanong, nka hairclip ba ung cap nyo sa ulo nyo? Paste? Kanin? Di natatanggal e, AMAZING.

By the way, kung rapper ka pala, im sorry, sige, mag suot ka na nag ganyan. In my book, there are only two ways to wear a baseball cap, straight up, with the beak front and center or pabaligtad, with the beak nasa likod ng ulo, perpendicular to the shoulders. Any other angle is wrong, unless you’re a rapper.

Marijuana Hankies. Meron ako nito. Lagi kasi ako may sipon. At since malaki ito keysa normal na panyo e masarap ito singahan pag walang tissue. Ang hindi ko maintindihan, BAKIT ginagawa mo itong SCARF?! Pashmina ba ang effect mo?? O kung wala naman sa malibag mong leeg e naka balot sa ulo mo. Cancer patient?? Tapos lalagyan mo ng Cap na nkatabingi?? PUTANGINA. 5O CENT? IzDACHU? Ay hindi pala, kakulay mo lang.

Nkkaeenit ng uloh puh noh? zummr p nmn. Haiizz—>> may nagtext.^*(^*^$(*&^)^$%&!!

!! Ngaar!!

Ibat iba ang suot ng jeje at dahil sumasakit ang mata ko pag nakakita ko ng mga ito, e hindi ko nalng iddiscuss. Masyado na siguro mahaba ito.

Btw, LOL is an acronym for laughing out loud. Ang acronym hindi ginagawang plural or kung pipilitin, sige LSOL dpat! Hindi LOLS at lalong lalo nang hindi LOLZ AT KUNG ISA KANG CERTIFIED KANG JEJE KANG HAYUP KA E ganto ang usage mo: LOLZ KA TALGA!! What the friggin F???!!

For proper jeje identification, here are links for your perusal http://fuckyeahajeje.tumblr.com/
And if you ever need translation kasi di mo na talaga maintindihan yang mga text nila, heto: http://kalokohan.guissmo.frih.net/jologs.php

halfway around the world e may jeje din, our spanish friends found themselves in the same dire straights. check this out: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=jeje

And since I realized na hindi pala ito ultimate guide e lets just make this some sort of a discussion, here are some questions for us to consider:

1. Sa tingin mo, bakit nagkalat ang mga Jeje ngayon?
2. May true to life Jeje encounter ka na ba? Ikaw ba ay isang Jeje survivor?
3. Eto dramatic: Bakit sila ganun?
4. May mensahe ka ba o suhestyon para sa kanila?

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One Response to “jeje hood”

  1. blabnblab Says:

    haha..trucker caps with rainbow colored mesh. minsan may glitters pa yung design.

    “Any other angle is wrong, unless you’re a rapper.” – we can quote the bro code on that. Barney is a prophet..haha


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